Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

Thoughts on Leadership | Leaders Know How to Attract Attention

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To accomplish anything in life as a leader, you’re likely going to need help from other people. Regardless of how talented or accomplished you are, you can’t always assume that you can count on attracting and retaining the attention of others. It will be more and more challenging and rewarding to hold onto the attention of those who matter to you.

Attention provides leverage. The more people leaders can attract and motivate to join them on a challenging quest or initiative, the more impact they are likely to achieve. So, what are effective ways to attract and retain the kind of attention that helps leaders to address the challenges they face? Here are four steps that build on each other.

1. Embrace mystery - Frame the more difficult problems that are relevant to you and need to be solved. Help people to understand why these are such significant problems and why so many people have been unsuccessful in trying to solve them. It probably will not attract the people looking for easy answers, but it can attract those who are naturally curious and looking for stimulating challenges.

2. Focus inquiry – Don’t try to suggest answers. Frame interesting questions instead. Help people gain perspective by posing questions that intrigue and motivate them to start investigating the mysteries that lie ahead.

3. Excite the imagination – Provide some “what if?” scenarios to illustrate the possibilities that await those who manage to come up with creative answers. Paint the pictures but make it clear these are only pictures. Stimulate people to pursue the questions with a lot of energy and creativity.

4. Be authentic – If you are not genuinely engaged in addressing these problems yourself, you will not be able to sustain the attention and effort of others to come up with creative solutions. On the other hand, if you are on a quest yourself, leading by example, you could have a contagious effect and the encounters you have can help both sides to learn from each other.

Do these techniques actually work? Well, think of how Martin Luther King excited and mobilized a broad group of people to tackle some very challenging social problems. On a completely different level, one leading tech company in Silicon Valley regularly attracts the attention of the venture capital community by sharing its most difficult technology problems and suggesting that they would buy the start-ups that come up with creative solutions to these problems. Or look at the way professional astronomers have mobilized a global network of passionately engaged amateurs to learn more about the vast universe beyond this planet.

This kind of attention is priceless and powerful. All leaders need to find ways to generate it and harness it. This is not just an opportunity, but increasingly an unavoidable obligation. Leaders are all experiencing increasing economic pressure as individuals and institutions. In this kind of environment, leaders not only need leverage, but also need to more rapidly improve their performance.

Leaders get better faster by working with others. To do this, they first need to attract their attention. If they fail to attract that attention, they will not get better faster in an increasingly competitive global economy, and they could be overlooked. That is why attention is becoming more valuable at the same time that it is becoming rare.


Wednesday Wellness | Practice Perfect Technique.

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Bonnie Kathleen Blair (born March 18, 1964 in Cornwall, New York) is a retired American speed skater. She is one of the top skaters of her time, and one of the most decorated athletes in Olympic history. Blair competed for the United States in four Olympics, and in her Olympic career won five gold medals and one bronze medal.

Once interviewed, she indicated she never trained for power or speed, but technique.  If she perfected her technique, then when race day came, she always knew she would skate her best.

In our daily habits, are we perfecting our technique, or are we always hoping to win the race, by being faster and stronger at any cost?

I’ve learned that when we push hard to “win” we usually compromise safety and often can injure ourselves at a devastating cost.

If we can tighten up our finesse, our technique by how we train, such as running in better alignment with our body, or slowing down our yoga practice to stretch our muscles safely instead of “pushing” the pose, or even fine tuning our “practice” of how we order our meals at restaurants, then we will get into such a rhythm of technique that when “race day” comes, everything else will fall into line safely and efficiently.

Since I learned this “mantra” of Bonnie Blair, I have given great thought to how I train when I water ski, cycle, workout with my trainer and when I practice yoga.  It was a powerful statement for me to train a different way…in all areas of my life.  I hope this can offer you some insight to your daily habits as well and as some say… “slow down to speed up”!


Monday Mojo| Amy’s Inspiration

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It’s been 5 years since my cousin Amy passed away from breast cancer at the age of 41. In the final year of her life she received Monday Morning MOJO every week and loved it. We shared thoughts back and forth via e-mail many times after I would send it. This is the MOJO I wrote after she passed away on my flight back home from her memorial service. I have made a commitment to send this out as a Monday Morning MOJO every year at this time as a tribute to Amy and her life. I think there are great thoughts in this MOJO that one can never hear too often.

I walked into my home on Saturday night from one of the most emotionally draining experiences of my life.

Attending and presenting a reading at the funeral of my 41 year-old cousin, Amy.

Amy was beautiful, healthy and living the American dream. She had a storybook marriage and two beautiful daughters (12 and 14) when tragedy struck sixteen months ago.

In the words of her daughter, “It was a clear blue spring day -well, at least it was outside, because inside it was raining. We felt sadness and disbelief from the bad news. Not just regular bad news – but the kind where your life seems to fall apart in just two simple minutes. We listened closely to mother as she whispered, ‘Its cancer,’ and immediately feelings of shock, anger, and fear rushed through us all.”

Under her tears her daughter said faintly “Just never lose faith. Nobody knows what it’s like until it happens to them. And when it’s YOUR Mom how you view the world begins to change. You look at the mountains and now see their magnificence, just as seeing my Mom smile became everything to me. I started to appreciate life so much more. During those final months we would spend time gazing at the night sky, and I treasure everyday what she would say, ‘I love you more than all of the stars in the sky.’ Looking back at how it used to be, and how it would have been, and how it’s going to be without her by my side – truly it will never be the same.”

Her words I repeated over and over in my mind. It felt as though someone had shook me – forcing my eyes open to see the world for what it really it was. Forcing me to take a hard look at the ultimate truth, the truth that has the power to wake us up and make us live before it’s too late.

“Amy is gone,” the truth told me quietly, “and someday you will be, and so will all the people you love – it’s just a matter of time.”

So I ask you – are you doing what you want to do right now with your life, or are you putting off living your hopes and dreams because you think there will always be a tomorrow? If my cousin were here she’d tell you differently, she’d say “there will come a time when tomorrow doesn’t come, and you are wasting your time if you are not loving and laughing and enjoying your days now, while you can.”

This leaves us with a choice – we can delete this message because we find it too depressing, or we can let this message be a force that pushes us over the tipping point into the life we dream of. That is most often what it takes, something so strong it carries us past our fears and doubts and the terrors that come when we think about finally doing the things we’ve been dreaming about for so long.

Let Amy be your inspiration this morning. And realize she had a great life, doing the things she loved, with the people she loved – and she would want you to do the same.

I’ve heard it all; it’s just not possible, I’ve got obligations, responsibilities, and don’t forget the economy, and of course the- I can’t just DO what I want – I’ve got a job, bills, yada yada yada…

All those excuses mean nothing when your time comes, and who knows when that might be. All I know is the days are passing quickly and now is the time to do what YOU KNOW you need to do. Don’t put if off, or you may just be too late.

We will miss you Amy.


Thoughts on Leadership: How to Turn Failure into Success

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“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career; I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over in my life. And that’s why I succeed.”
-Michael Jordan, 2006

Failure. We all experience it. Most of us see failure as a negative thing, which makes sense; it doesn’t feel good to fail. We all want to succeed and failure feels like a setback to that goal. What we don’t realize is that failure presents an opportunity to learn, grow and succeed. Check out Michael Jordan’s “Failure” Nike Commercial.

Michael Jordan is a fun example to look at. When most people think about this basketball legend, they’re not immediately thinking about how he didn’t make the varsity basketball team his sophomore year in high school. They’re not thinking about the times he lost the game-winning shot. They’re thinking about his achievements: six-time NBA champion, five-time MBA MVP, 14-time NBA All-Star, two-time NBA Slam Dunk Contest winner, Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year.

Michal Jordan’s success was real. People like to say that he was born a “gifted” basketball player, that Mark Zuckerburg was born a technology genius, and that Martin Luther King was a born leader. What we fail to realize, though, is that none of these successes were born that way. No one is born to play basketball, create a social media phenomenon, or to be a legendary leader.

Turning failure into success is hard work. It takes dedication and vision. When I was a brand new realtor my first coach Tom Hopkins taught me an important philosophy on failure and rejection that has resonated throughout my entire real estate career. He said “I never see failure as failure, but only as a learning experience. I never see failure as failure, but only as the feedback I need to change course in my direction. I never see failure as failure, but only as an opportunity to improve my sense of humor. I never see failure as failure, but only as an opportunity to practice my techniques and perfect my performance. I never see failure as failure, but only as the game I must play to win!”

Learn from some of the greatest champions on earth how to take the reigns and turn losses into wins – adapted from Adam Appleson’s book, “7 Steps to Turn ‘Failure’ Into Success:”

  1. Grin and bear it.
    When Michael Jordan came across rejection, he met it by practicing more.
  2. Take a time-out.
    The greatest ideas were founded when men and women were away from their usual routines. Albert Einstein was on vacation in the Apennine Mountains when we wondered what would happen if a ray of light became imprisoned.
  3. Assess whether your current plans are realistic.
    If things aren’t happening as fast as you’d anticipated, by the deadline you set for yourself, the deadline may not have been realistic. Don’t be afraid to make new plans and pursue them.
  4. Get support.
    Have a team behind you to get you through the rough times and keep you motivated!
  5. Play a game called “15 Ways…”
    Grab a sheet of paper and brainstorm 15 ways you can overcome whatever obstacle is standing between you and your goals. The first five are usually pretty obvious, but the last 10 are usually a bit harder to come up with, and often surface the innovative solutions you hadn’t thought about already.
  6. Pick a hero.
    Every time you fail and want to give up, ask yourself what your hero would do, then go do it!
  7. Go out and execute every day.
    Commit to doing one thing for your dreams every day. You know the saying, “genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration.”

True leaders do not fear failure; they know how to use failure to their advantage. Like Michael Jordan said, he has failed over and over again, and that is why he succeeds. Take chances and don’t be afraid to fail, it could be the secret to your success!


Wednesday Wellness: The Mentally Tough Shall Prevail…

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What differentiates someone who succeeds in life versus one who doesn’t? Luck? Genes? Money? Well, maybe for some, but I believe that those who are the “toughest” are the ones who ultimately succeed.

Now, when I say tough, I’m not referring to physical strength. Rather, I’m talking about mental toughness, or mental fortitude. Fortitude is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “Calm Courage”, and it takes a great deal of “calm courage” to succeed–whether it is on the physical playing field, or the playing field of life.

There are some people who are innately strong–both physically and mentally. Take the Tarahumara Tribe of Indians, who are known to run for days on end, in the grueling heat, traversing treacherous landscapes as a way of life, and as a way to have “fun.” Can you hear me laughing out loud? Yup. This is indeed fun for them, and they live their lives to run and run to live. In fact, Christopher Mc Dougall wrote a book about this band of people called, “Born to Run.”

But what about the rest of us, the mere mortals who find running two miles, or even two blocks, a daunting task? What makes us different than the Tarahumara?

Well, it turns out that the only thing that separates us is our mental fortitude. Indeed, these calm people run because they are not just physically strong, but they are MENTALLY strong. And we can all glean a HUGE lesson from this.

We all face challenges in life–some of us want to lose weight; some want to run our first marathon, 10K, 5K or simply walk a mile; some want to gain upper body strength; and some want to come back from injuries–ranging from near-crippling to something perhaps more simple like a sprained ankle. Whatever your particular challenge may be, in order to overcome it will require not just strength of body, but strength of mind.

Why is this so?

For me, I spent nearly 10 years racing endurance events ranging from mere marathons to Ironman distance triathlons–a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and a 26.2 mile run, or a marathon. And yes, they were all in one day. And yes, they all followed each other sequentially. And yes, we “raced” to finish–we competed not simply completed. And how did we do it? We persevered.

From these years, I learned that I have far more fortitude than I ever thought I had. There were many times when I “beat” men and women who were stronger than me physically, but not stronger mentally–I never, ever gave up or give up. And I have carried this very important lesson into other areas of my life, so that when I tore my Achilles and chose not to run for a year (after much agony), and even when I’ve faced financial adversity, or break-ups or the loss of loved ones, I’ve KNOWN that I have enough “strength” to get through anything, because I will not give up. I have that calm courage.

The truth is, we all have that calm courage. Sometimes, we just don’t realize that we have it and that we can use it ANYTIME we want.

How do we persevere? Just like how we finish a marathon–by putting one foot in front of the other. Over and over and over again….You can do IT, whatever IT is. Simply call upon that calm courage and persevere. And I guarantee you, you will succeed.

Written by Stacia Carney
CPT Body Firm Los Gatos, CA


Wednesday Wellness: Change is Life

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Have you ever unexpectedly had life hit you upside the head and all of a sudden, everything has changed? Quite possibly, a change which you didn’t see coming, a change you didn’t want, expect and were quite upset about?

When this happens, we (most of us, but not all of us) dwell in a state of unacceptance and frustration. All we want is what we had, the way it used to be. We look back at “before” and everything seemed perfect once we look in a review mirror of what we no longer have. Isn’t it funny how life works that way?

Have you ever thought there’s actually a boring aspect of a life that never changes? We wouldn’t grow, get inspired, inspire others, reach new potentials, and learn.

I realize not every change is good, however if you look for it, even the worst change can bring you new perspectives to help you become more brilliant. The key, of course, is to seek it out and be open to what is ahead instead of what is behind us.

Whatever might ring true to you, look at a change you are either going through or recently went through, and shift your perspective and see what change can bring you instead of what you have left behind.


Monday Mojo: The Pain of Discipline or the Pain of Regret…Your Choice

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“I have watched The Secret DVD at least 50 times.”
“I listen to self-improvement CD’s and read self-improvement books everyday.”
“I have been focusing on what I want and have a great attitude.”
“I read your MOJO every week.”
“I am a believer, but it just does not seem to be working…I am still stuck in that same old rut!”

I tend to hear this over and over again, and what everyone is doing is extremely important to getting what you want in life, but you may be missing a few very important components. First and foremost, YOU NEED TO BE INCREDIBLY DISCIPLINED AND WORK YOUR BUTT OFF!

Getting what you want in life is a lot like being healthy and physically fit.  Being healthy and physically fit is not complicated, is it?  All you have to do is eat right and exercise on a regular basis. Simple enough…right?  Then why is half of our society obese, unhealthy and out of shape? Why is it our country’s number one killer? Because although it is not complicated, it is hard work and requires a lot of self discipline.  So once again, YOU NEED TO BE INCREDIBLY DISCIPLINED AND WORK YOUR BUTT OFF!

Another major factor which stops us from getting what we want is not being able to let go of what we already have – including those bad habits or lack of good habits.  It’s letting go of all those bad routines, habits, foods, TV, and in some cases people you are currently spending time with.  After you have made the decision to let go – YOU NEED TO BE INCREDIBLY DISCIPLINED AND WORK YOUR BUTT OFF to not give in and go back to the same old bad habits! Because getting what you want is as much about letting go of the old as it is about letting in the new.

I hear people talk about how they do affirmations, build dream boards, meditate – but then their day-to-day actions do not reflect their affirmations.  I can’t tell you enough how important it is to be INCREDIBLY DISCIPLINED AND WORK YOUR BUTT OFF.  Today’s society dumps so much negativity into our world every day it’s tough not to just give in. It is on our television, in newspapers, in magazines, exudes from our associates at work, our friends, and unfortunately in many cases in our families.

So, take a personal inventory of those things and people in your life you need to change, and change them! Then BE INCREDIBLY DISCIPLINED AND WORK YOUR BUTT OFF with a good attitude while keeping focused on what you want.

BANG!!!  Now you are on you way.

This is not something you can dip your toe in and try – you have to dive in head first and go for it like your life depends on it. Because it does!

It is your choice, live with the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.  It’s a pretty easy choice, but very difficult to do.

GO BIG!


Wednesday Wellness: Stop the Hours of Guilty Nonsense

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I wrote this tip over a year ago, but this theme has been coming up over and over for the last couple of weeks, so I wanted to revive it and pass it along in case you are struggling with “getting going” and “keeping your momentum.”

How many times have you wanted to begin a fitness regiment or a weight loss program, but thought it was too hard? When training new clients, I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon I want to share with you.

When a new client wants to begin a fitness program, we might challenge them to walk just 20 minutes on their own. It sounds easy when the commitment is made, but when the day arrives and they haven’t scheduled the 20 minutes of walking into their schedule, somehow that 20 minutes seems impossible and not easy, so it doesn’t happen. What evolves afterwards is the interesting part. The client then goes into a guilty spin of “why didn’t I do it” mentality and then they end up wasting precious hours beating themselves up about it!

Another example is getting on a healthy nutritional program. Maybe the challenge is to go 3 days without having desserts. Well, day 2 happens and that cookie just was too tempting…then the next 2 days are spent beating themselves up again!

The energy spent on feeling bad completely outweighs the actual moment of following through with the commitment, yet somehow we connect more with feeling guilty than trying something new. Why is it we are comfortable in negative feelings? Interesting, isn’t it?!

So my thought for you today is to commit to something which, in the moment, might feel a bit uncomfortable because it’s different, but know that the ripple effect of this new habit won’t waste hours of guilty nonsense. Instead establish a comfort zone over time creating lifelong healthy living and a positive mindset!

As I heard one of my trainers say this morning…saying NO to a temping food is so much easier than actually burning it off through exercise!


Monday Morning Mojo: The Power of a Smile

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I saw this study which was detailed in the journal of Motivation and Emotion.  I thought it was worth sharing for a mojo, it’s pretty interesting.  It is titled “If you want to know whether your marriage will survive, look at your spouse’s yearbook photos”.  I am sure photographs not only can help predict whether your marriage will be successful, but can help predict whether we will be successful in many other areas of our lives. Just remember it is never too late to start smiling.

Psychologists have found that how much people smile in old photographs can predict their later success in marriage.

In one test, the researchers looked at people’s college yearbook photos, and rated their smile intensity from 1 to 10. None of the people who fell within the top 10 percent of smile strength had divorced, while within the bottom 10 percent of smilers, almost one in four had had a marriage that ended, the researchers say. (Scoring was based on the stretch in two muscles: one that pulls up on the mouth, and one that creates wrinkles around the eyes.)

In a second trial, the research team asked people over age 65 to provide photos from their childhood (the average age in the pictures was 10 years old). The researchers scored each person’s smile, and found that only 11 percent of the biggest smilers had been divorced, while 31 percent of the frowners had experienced a broken marriage.

Overall, the results indicate that people who frown in photos are five times more likely to get a divorce than people who smile.

While the connection is striking, the researchers stress that they can’t conclude anything about the cause of the correlation.

“Maybe smiling represents a positive disposition towards life,” said study leader Matthew Hertenstein, a psychologist at DePauw University in Indiana. “Or maybe smiling people attract other happier people, and the combination may lead to a greater likelihood of a long-lasting marriage. We don’t really know for sure what’s causing it.”

Hertenstein said he has considered other explanations, such as the possibility that people who smile more often tend to attract more friends, and a larger support network makes it easier to keep a marriage healthy.

The results of the study fit into a larger pattern of research that has found many personality characteristics can be determined from very thin slices of behavior. Basically, we often reveal ourselves in the most subtle, simple ways.

And smiling in photographs has been shown to be correlated with a number of traits, including a generally happier disposition.

“I think [our results] go along with a lot of the literature that’s been coming out over the last five to 10 years, which shows that positive emotionality is incredibly important in our lives,” Hertenstein told LiveScience. “There are many, many beneficial outcomes to a positive disposition.”

The findings are also notable because they found a connection between photos taken when people were young and marriage outcomes that sometimes occurred much later.

“It feeds into this idea that what’s occurring earlier in our lives in terms of our present situation and our mental state can predict things that occur decades later,” Hertenstein said. “Showing the continuity in who we are is really important.”

The good news is it is never too late.  Start smiling today.

Make it a powerful week!


Positive vs. Negative

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Every time you see them, you try and avoid them like the plague because they are just so negative and draining. To them everything is a crisis. Everyone and everything is out to get them. Nothing works and everything that is not going right in their world is someone else’s fault – never theirs. They never smile and they always seem to find the negative in everything and everybody, never the positive. Anytime there is a small setback, it is like the world is coming to an end. They treat life like it is a WIN/LOSE game and trust me, there is no such thing. Whenever someone wins and someone loses, both lose. Does this type of person sound familiar? Do you know people like this? I sure do.

Then there are those people you love being around because for whatever reason they just have this positive energy about them which makes you feel good. They are always fired up and have a smile on their face. When there are small set backs, they seem to find the positive side or don’t even acknowledge it. They just keep moving forward as if it is an expected part of the process. They are the ones who keep their emotions under control. They don’t yell, they don’t scream, they don’t attack, they don’t fight and they don’t blame. Now don’t get me wrong, they are passionate and fired up. They just don’t fight it. They seem to always find a way to use the flow to their advantage. They aren’t pushing. They seem to be getting pulled through life. They are WIN/WIN people – always looking for ways that they can WIN, along with everyone else.

The interesting thing about these two different types of people is that the positive ones almost always seem to win in all aspects of their life – personal, professional, business, health, you name it. They actually say people who smile and laugh a lot (the positive ones) live longer and are much healthier and happier. The negative ones always seem to look unhealthy and anxious. They seem to struggle in business and in their relationships, and they look run down.

So, my question to you is which one are you? Be honest. Is your energy good energy or bad energy?  Fired up energy or draining energy? If you asked those around you to describe your energy, what would they say? Fired up and infectious or exhausting and draining. Are you positive or negative? Do you fight life or do you use those people and things around you to propel you to success.

It is a choice. Another one of those small choices I write about every Monday morning.  It is the cumulative affect of all those small choices that will get you are looking for in life.

Make it a GREAT week!!!!